[Trigger warning] What to do if a member posts suicidal thoughts?

[Kale]

After seeing a super close online friend express he had suicidal thoughts after his mother passed away... I've been thinking about this topic. I have sent him a few resources and such already. He plans to see a counselor ASAP, and think that'd help a lot.

So has anyone had a member post thoughts about suicide before? What did you do? I usually will PM the user resources they can use if they express these thoughts and that's about it.

 

[Shortie]

This is a very tough one to deal with and how you approach it is what determines the outcome. Talking to them should always be your first thing to do, sending them a personal message letting them know you are there to listen and also advising them that there are people they can talk to if they need to and letting them know where to contact. In some cases, it would also be wise to maybe contact some kind of law authority and report what has happened on the forum and even send them a link to the post that was made so that they could potentially get some help to them.

I know when I used to live stream I had a few occasions where people did come in and say something suicidal and whether it was trolling or real didn't matter, I would report it to the platform I was streaming on and let them know so they could take it further if they needed to. I would also have a command in my chat that would fire up information on what to do if you were feeling suicidal.

All you can do is try to reassure them and try to get them the help they need. It's difficult but knowing you did something does help.

 

[Kale]

I just posted resources on my forum in a thread, so am sure that would help some who maybe going through a tough time. I also think I'd do the PM route above as you said. I've never dealt with this as a mod or admin before, but usually will just shoot resources/support to the person in private if on Discord or wherever.

 

[Aaron]

I wouldn't even know who to contact such as law authority if someone did this on my forum. The New Zealand police won't care about someone on a forum...

 

[Cory]

I too would post various resources for the user to help guide their way. There are many resources out there to help people going through such a crisis, including suicide prevention hotlines. If the user just needs someone to talk to I would try my best to listen to them, but I would still recommend a professional therapist to get them through these tough times.

I don't think I've ever dealt with this on my own forums.

 

[Cedric]

As Shortie stated, the most important thing is to listen and talk. Bringing them to other thoughts, understanding their situation, and helping them overcome that.

 

[Ravenfreak]

I would definitely send them links to good resources. I would also talk to them via private message and try to help them the best I can. Mental health is no joke, and I almost lost my spouse once because they were not in a good headspace so I take these topics very seriously.

 

[Moonface]

I've had it occur one time in my boards history, and unfortunately it was someone using it purely as a control mechanism over other members and they were never actually suicidal. They would go so far as to post polls asking if they should do it, knowing it would get responses and attention.
After I banned them for a slew of other reasons I had to log in to the MSN account of my now-wife because this member was threatening to kill themselves if she didn't online date them and despite knowing this was just another empty threat (these suicidal threats have been going on for almost two years at this point and my patience had grown thin seeing it was always their go-to whenever something didn't go their way) they didn't feel comfortable telling them no, so I offered to do it prepared to call their bluff.
Turned out I was entirely correct and the threat was empty just as every other one had been, and I don't really tolerate people who put themselves down repeatedly for the sake of attention and sympathy points anymore as a result of all that.

Now, story time aside if I saw it now I'd contact the authorities if I know where the member lives, and if not then provide resources for them to get professional help as well as trying to lend an ear for them to talk to.

 

[Kale]

Yep, sent this friend CTL and the National Hotline in Discord PMs. We've known each other for a while online, and he's one of my better online friends. Updated me and his mom passed from choking on vomit in her sleep. I've been sticking around as support for him through this tough time. I have lost an uncle, but losing a parent would hit me hard too.

've had it occur one time in my boards history, and unfortunately it was someone using it purely as a control mechanism over other members and they were never actually suicidal.

Sadly this has happened in chat rooms/forums I was a member of way back and it was mostly used for attention seeking behavior.

Which lead to....

Turned out I was entirely correct and the threat was empty just as every other one had been, and I don't really tolerate people who put themselves down repeatedly for the sake of attention and sympathy points anymore as a result of all that.

This is exactly what has happened to me too after seeing it so many times. I instantly tune out and just ignore the person who does it these days. I honestly feel like past bad experiences with attention seeking is why I have a hard time believing people who say they're suicidal.

 

[Tracy]

Honestly... if someone has suicidal tendencies... RARELY will you be able to talk them off the edge if they are realistically engaged in that thought process. Trying to talk reasonably to them does no good... as their framework in their mind cannot deal with reasonable... it deals with extremes. I speak from both the position of dealing with the after-affects of the successful completion of the ideation of self harm when involving others to the point of some of what I dealt with in law enforcement put me in a VERY dark place - you can only deal with so many deceased children that should still be living before it affects you and you begin blaming yourself.

 

[Cedric]

What I have learned is that those who effectively do it, will never talk about it and when you hear about it, it’s too late as they have already done so. Those (in most cases) who talk about it, are doing so in a call for attention and will not do so.

My cousin actually did it, and we never suspected a thing beforehand.

 

[Kale]

Those (in most cases) who talk about it, are doing so in a call for attention and will not do so.

Exactly... It is sad but true to say. A lot of the people who do end up doing it won't post on the Internet about it.