FSS #1: Members threatening to leave your forum

[Cedric]

FSS #1: Members threatening to leave your forum

Welcome to the first scenario posted in our Forum Scenario Series. Please remember: respect everyone's opinion. Debate with other fellow members how you would handle this situations without causing collateral damage and bringing the situation to its best result.

Scenario:
You have a very active community and a member on your community has been on your forum for a very long time. In fact, it's probably your best engaging member, bringing you lots of new content, discussions and is a real valuable asset to your forum. If you want to keep your member, you'll need to satisfy him/her. Unfortunately some drama happened on your forum and your member got in an argument with a different member who is also a great member, but maybe not on the same level as the member threatening to leave the forum. Both have done nothing wrong in your eyes and abide the terms of service / rules you conduct. You believe that the member threatening to leave will be a real downfall to your community, as many look up to the member and maybe some will leave as well, but you don't want to upset the other member.

How would you react to both members, trying to compromise and having them both proceed as part of the community, knowing one won't stay if the other stays?

 

[Nomad]

I think community voting would be the best way to deal with a situation like this. As far as I am concerned, I cannot handle drama, if someone wants to leave the community because he has an issue with another member and there is no fault of this second member, I would let the threatening member go.

 

[Shawn Gossman]

If your forum has an ignore feature, I would send a PM to both users and ask them to take advantage of it.

I would emphasize that the forum respects everyone's opinions and that no one is better than the other. I would remind them to be respectful and act like adults.

If it continued after and caused drama, then I would take action.

You can't make bad decisions over favoritism on a forum or you'll give yourself a bad name. If that person ends up leaving anyway, you've done the dirty deed and gave yourself a bad name anyways.

It's not worth it.

 

[Cedric]

I think community voting would be the best way to deal with a situation like this. As far as I am concerned, I cannot handle drama, if someone wants to leave the community because he has an issue with another member and there is no fault of this second member, I would let the threatening member go.

Don't you think you'd be harming your own community that way? I'm pretty sure you would. Don't forget, the member is your best member on the community and will probably take other members with him. If you don't want to handle the drama you might as well close your doors. You need to step up and confront both members, take care of the situation.

If your forum has an ignore feature, I would send a PM to both users and ask them to take advantage of it.

I would emphasize that the forum respects everyone's opinions and that no one is better than the other. I would remind them to be respectful and act like adults.

If it continued after and caused drama, then I would take action.

You can't make bad decisions over favoritism on a forum or you'll give yourself a bad name. If that person ends up leaving anyway, you've done the dirty deed and gave yourself a bad name anyways.

It's not worth it.

Very nice solution Shawn, but what if there is no ignore feature ? What action would you take ? I agree with the fact that it's not worth it, you will end up doing more harm.

 

[Shawn Gossman]

Very nice solution Shawn, but what if there is no ignore feature ? What action would you take ? I agree with the fact that it's not worth it, you will end up doing more harm.

I'd have the self-delete option available and tell both parties that I require certain behavior on the forum and if they cannot handle it, they have the ability to leave on their own accord. Or I'd offer to remove them with a friendly notation that I will remove them without warning if drama occurs.

 

[Kale]

I just let them leave. No use causing any drama or convincing them to stay on my forum. I do not wanna force or make people stay if they're not comfortable. I've learned to get rid of and handle drama quickly so it does not spread.

How would you react to both members, trying to compromise and having them both proceed as part of the community, knowing one won't stay if the other stays?

I would as said above encourage use of the ignore system if it's on my forum software of choice. If they refuse to ignore each other, I'd use the force ignore option on them with an add-on with XF. I have learned to ignore users as a user instead of engaging with them. This is useful for trolls and people looking to bait.

 

[Kyng]

This is a situation that I've sadly had to face a number of times in the past... sometimes I was able to get the member to stick around, but other times I lost them.

What I would say is: just try to de-escalate the situation by talking it out with both members. If they stay, then great; if they don't, then you're the one who handled the situation maturely. And if my experience is anything to go by, they'll probably come back eventually (and even if they don't, it's a hit you can recover from. My community's taken several of those hits in the space of 13 years - but it's survived all of them)

 

[Cory]

The bottom line is you can't force and even sometimes persuade a member to stay a part of your forum. It's their choice whether they leave or stay.

With that being said, I would recommend the users try and stay away from one another if they can't agree to disagree, whether it's through the means of an ignore feature, a browser extension, or just the willpower to not respond to one another.

 

[Nomad]

Don't forget, the member is your best member on the community and will probably take other members with him.

Yes, members are my assets. But the members also need to have high regard for the community that is offering the platform to speak their minds. If someone threatens to go and if some members want to follow the suit, there is nothing you can do.

 

[Arantor]

End of the day, members don't owe you anything. They come, they go, under their own steam. If they're done with a place, they're done and that unfortunately happens.

What I've done in the past - if the situation made sense - was to reach out to both parties independently, try to calm them down, and I've sometimes then offered to host a three-way DM thread, just me and the two of them, to try to settle their differences. Happened a few times, sometimes one or both still stormed off, but I at least tried to get some closure on the event so that it didn't escalate beyond the two of them.

Sometimes though, just have to chalk it up to life and move on. There are other great prospective members out there - and you shouldn't risk the whole for the sake of the one.

 

[Kale]

If someone threatens to go and if some members want to follow the suit, there is nothing you can do.

Truth. You cannot do anything about it, and it is best not to even guilt trip them.

End of the day, members don't owe you anything. They come, they go, under their own steam. If they're done with a place, they're done and that unfortunately happens.

Exactly. Members come and they go all the time for various reasons.

 

[an0nym0us]

the forums need worker bees, because there are noisy ones everywhere..

 

[Reverie]

What is funny is that I had a very similar situation before. I told them to make use of the ignore feature if they did not enjoy the other members posts. They did use the feature and it helped for some time. The active member remained active, but the other member found other fault within the forum and began picking at every little thing unfortunately. Some people can just not be made happy no matter what you do.

If my forum didn't have an ignore feature I would try to have a mediated conversation with the both of them to try and talk it out. Agree to disagree would even be an okay option! People need to learn that they may not like everyone, but that doesn't permit them to be rude to one another.

 

[joelr]

I don't pretend to have all of the right answers, so instead I'm going to ask more questions to help other community owners make the best decision.

There will be nuances to every situation

1. What are some creative and non-traditional ways of resolving the issue? For example, is there an ignore function, can you talk to one or both, can you suspend one or both, can you have a third party member reach out as an impartial friend to both?

2. What is the opportunity cost of each decision? Eg. If you do X, then Y will be the likely consequences. Sometimes you need to choose the lesser of two evils.

3. Every member's value is a combination of their current value and future value / headache. Even though one member is high value, do his headaches and problems outweigh his value?

4. Are there hidden factors that you're not considering? Eg. Does the outspoken and best engaging member indirectly suppress other members from engaging more?

5. What is your messaging and communication around the action that you take? Eg. How will you explain the action, so others can see your decision making.

 

[André]

FSS #1: Members threatening to leave your forum

Welcome to the first scenario posted in our Forum Scenario Series. Please remember: respect everyone's opinion. Debate with other fellow members how you would handle this situations without causing collateral damage and bringing the situation to its best result.

Scenario:
You have a very active community and a member on your community has been on your forum for a very long time. In fact, it's probably your best engaging member, bringing you lots of new content, discussions and is a real valuable asset to your forum. If you want to keep your member, you'll need to satisfy him/her. Unfortunately some drama happened on your forum and your member got in an argument with a different member who is also a great member, but maybe not on the same level as the member threatening to leave the forum. Both have done nothing wrong in your eyes and abide the terms of service / rules you conduct. You believe that the member threatening to leave will be a real downfall to your community, as many look up to the member and maybe some will leave as well, but you don't want to upset the other member.

How would you react to both members, trying to compromise and having them both proceed as part of the community, knowing one won't stay if the other stays?

What's the threat?

So two peeps disagreed.

And one's so entitled as to feel irrationally compelled to straight up threaten the Administrator—that they will storm on outta there like a petulant child if Addy won't bow in submission by punishing the other member (*who hasn't threatened Admin, or broken the "rulez", nor packed a tanty and is in no apparent way justifiably accountable for another's inability to conduct 'emself with honour.)

Is that about right?

Is the one making threats doing this discreetly or publicly?
(*Could be Triangulation)

Coz based on this alone....the one taddling making the irrational threat is behaving like a dysfunctional adult-child.

This is more concerning than the threat bollocks.

Nonetheless there'd be plenty of ways to sort this out with more indepth information.

i guess with the limited info we have i would think it best to present the facts to the entire community...

...at least i'd make the petulant member aware of the potential.

If they're being honest they won't care,...

...except we can already discern they are not being honest by their particular actions.

Whether pull their head in or not and they storm off or sulk about the place, i'd keep an eye on that one.



"Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward."

"Whoever cannot take care of himself without that law is both."

"For a wounded man shall say to his assailant - if I live, I will kill you, if I die, you are forgiven."

"Such is the rule of honour ".

 

[Arantor]

Have you spent any time amongst a group of people, that you've never encountered two people butting heads?

 

[André]

Have you spent any time amongst a group of people, that you've never encountered two people butting heads?

You mean like,...ahh, wait what?

i can see the sly insinuation you're attempting there, but i can't stop laughing coz it seems to be missing a word and doesn't make sense.

Guess what,...

Spoiler

It's late and imma crash out.
Nighty night

 

[Arantor]

If you can see the sly insinuation, you understood it just fine.

 

[André]

If you can see the sly insinuation, you understood it just fine.

Well no, not at all actually. Indeed i thusly ask of you kindly to explain exactly what you're meaning in plainly overt language please.

Furthermore may i ask what is motivating your recent rather comical attempts at gaslighting.

Is this a case whereby i may have unwittingly opinionated on some particular subject which has perhaps been taken as offensive to thee?

Omg,...you,...you're...not threatening to leave are you?!

Geeezuz i hope not mate.
Sure seems quite obvious you're not fond of me for some unknown reason—yet i like you and i think you're usually a fantastic poster,...infact similarly so as described in the, ahh,..."totally unrelated hypothetical OP scenario"—your leaving would - in the same spirit - also be a downfall, neigh, as a whole, it would be a tremendous loss for the community.

 

[dahLabdo]

If someone messages to inform they are leaving the forum after a debate, they are free to leave. I have left forums for many reasons but I have not felt the need to announce my departure to the site staff - this is in my eyes attention seeking.

If the user was to message me with several solutions to their issues or with solutions that I can action then by all means I will do my best. If it's a case of two users having a debate and they're upset with each other - I will hopefully be running a mature enough forum where they are able to sort this out themselves. I will consider using my warning system depending on the situation. It's a very fluid question because there's so many variables so will need to just pay it by here.

There is very little you can do as a forum member of staff if all they've had is a disagreement depending on what your rules say. I think if they're able to kiss and make up then great, saves me getting involved with bickering lol.