So I have a really terrible time with this time of year. It used to be my favorite time, when I was a kid. Obviously, the whole joy and magical feeling, the warmth and family... Something life changing happened in my teens that changed it forever and it's never been the same. Though I've struggled to find some kind of joy during these holidays, something always seems to happen to make it worse. I'm not even talking stress or the holiday rush but losing family, losing pets. It's just a tough time of year for me.
This year, I'm struggling again. Felt it coming on about a week or two ago, this heavy, shrouded feeling. Depression. Tried to outrun it, tried to fight it, but it's still there.
I wasn't planning to buy anybody any gifts, or go anywhere. However, my mom really wants me to visit and since she lives with my brother's family, I had to find something for the kids. And then after the kids, I thought of my siblings, then my mom, my husband... So now everybody's getting gifts.
The plan is just to spend the day with family, a couple days before the actual day. Nothing big. Just giving the gifts, having food, hanging out. At least I'll be with family this year!