Fewer things hurt more than being betrayed by someone we trust. When that person is our boss, someone who impacts our career paths and livelihoods, the pain can be amplified. Whether they took credit for a project you sacrificed months to complete, gave a promotion they promised you to someone else, or publicly shamed you for someone else’s mistake, the consequences of the betrayal are far-reaching.
Boss betrayal can
hinder our ability to trust others, remain optimistic and resilient during difficult times, and accurately judge complex situations. Our brains often process betrayal as trauma, and we expect that trauma to be repeated. Hurt and guarded, we sometimes engage in behaviors that are meant to be protective but have unintended consequences. When this happens, it’s not our boss’s behavior that should concern us. It’s our own.
While you may not be able to change your boss, you can keep their bad behavior from harmfully changing you. Here are ways to guard against the risks of becoming someone you never intended to be.
Hold fast to your values. According to Dennis Reina, author of
Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace, 85% of workplace betrayal is unintentional. But just because a boss
didn’t mean to betray someone doesn’t lessen the experience. Sometimes you can raise concerns with a boss who failed to realize the consequences of their actions. Their genuine remorse and commitment to make things right can restore trust, and even make your relationship
stronger.
But if your boss has routinely betrayed your trust, it’s important to ensure you aren’t unconsciously corrupting your own behavior in response. Research indicates that if your boss behaves badly, you are more likely to
follow suit. As long as you have to
function under this boss, be clear on the values you want to govern your behavior and resolute on what compromising them would constitute. For example, if you value inclusion, think about what actions make others feel excluded, and monitor your behavior to make sure you aren’t doing them. How you show respect to others, how you share ideas, how you give credit where it’s due, and even how you talk about your contributions are all informed by your values. Don’t let your boss’s contradiction of those values lead you to justify compromising them.