What would you say is abuse to you especially when it comes to relationships and marriages? Is it when the partner abuses you verbally or does it has to do with domestic violence?
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What is abuse to you?
- Thread starter Henrywrites
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When someone says to me abuse in say a relationship or in a marriage, I think of two different kinds, mental abuse, and physical abuse. Both can cause long-lasting trauma regardless and can last a lifetime after someone has gone through it. Both men and women can suffer from both kinds and they are not always easy to get out of. I myself was in a mentally abusive relationship for around 11 years, scared to get out thinking no one would believe me. I finally got the courage to speak up and was helped out of the relationship and I am now in a happier relationship building my life back up.
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Abuse can mean many, many different things. Unfortunately, not all forms of abuse are taken seriously. Physical abuse seems to be taken more seriously than, say, mental abuse. Both can be quite harmful.
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Abuse isn't just a single definition, and it doesn't have to be physical - there's emotional forms, there's mental forms, there's psychological forms, there's sexual forms. And there are things that blur these lines together.
We tend to focus on physical first because it's the most visible, but it's not necessarily the most impactful or the most traumatic.
All of them are damaging in some way, but some damage harder than others. You'll see signs of it throughout society. Once you start seeing it, you'll have difficulty stopping seeing it.
You probably know someone who apologises too much. For every little thing. Even when it's not their fault. Especially when it's not their fault. Chances are, someone in their past abused them. Possibly with violence but at the very least with a lot of shouting. These people get to the point where their first instinct becomes to assume blame for everything, all the time, because that's the way their abuser framed things. It doesn't matter what it is, how trivial, how stupid. First time I noticed it, I was in an office, making tea, and I overheated my fingers on the teabag, made some kind of comment, heard someone apologising earnestly for it. I started to wonder what happened to make them that way because that's not a normal behaviour, it goes far, far beyond what normal empathy would be. That's a sign - but not in any way proof - of abuse. I later learned that her boyfriend hit her regularly when he messed up, and that was his coping mechanism, to lash out and 'it was always [her] fault'.
There are so many signs out there of people being pushed into uncomfortable places by the people in their past, they carry all kinds of damage with them. Me, for example, I will eat what is put in front of me. It doesn't matter if what I left was because it was too much, or because it'll make me ill later, I'll eat it not because I want to but because of my own history with being made to feel guilty about not eating every single thing on the plate. I don't know if others would call it abuse per se, but that is what it is.
There's a stunning amount of it online, ranging from the obviously-offensive to the passive-aggressive that doesn't... seem like it's abusive behaviour but nevertheless actually is.
We tend to focus on physical first because it's the most visible, but it's not necessarily the most impactful or the most traumatic.
All of them are damaging in some way, but some damage harder than others. You'll see signs of it throughout society. Once you start seeing it, you'll have difficulty stopping seeing it.
You probably know someone who apologises too much. For every little thing. Even when it's not their fault. Especially when it's not their fault. Chances are, someone in their past abused them. Possibly with violence but at the very least with a lot of shouting. These people get to the point where their first instinct becomes to assume blame for everything, all the time, because that's the way their abuser framed things. It doesn't matter what it is, how trivial, how stupid. First time I noticed it, I was in an office, making tea, and I overheated my fingers on the teabag, made some kind of comment, heard someone apologising earnestly for it. I started to wonder what happened to make them that way because that's not a normal behaviour, it goes far, far beyond what normal empathy would be. That's a sign - but not in any way proof - of abuse. I later learned that her boyfriend hit her regularly when he messed up, and that was his coping mechanism, to lash out and 'it was always [her] fault'.
There are so many signs out there of people being pushed into uncomfortable places by the people in their past, they carry all kinds of damage with them. Me, for example, I will eat what is put in front of me. It doesn't matter if what I left was because it was too much, or because it'll make me ill later, I'll eat it not because I want to but because of my own history with being made to feel guilty about not eating every single thing on the plate. I don't know if others would call it abuse per se, but that is what it is.
There's a stunning amount of it online, ranging from the obviously-offensive to the passive-aggressive that doesn't... seem like it's abusive behaviour but nevertheless actually is.
Abuse is so much honestly, but the above is so true.
Yep, this is so me to the letter.
My girlfriend and I (we live together) don't really "fight" or argue.
We think about that stuff differently. We have disagreements but they never lead to angry emotions.
That's what I love about us.
I couldn't imagine being mean to her. I just don't have the heart to do that. She has a 16 year old daughter who I call my own, it's the same with her. If my gf told me to discipline her, it would be one of those "here's $20, go out there and act like your crying" sort of thing LOL I just don't have the heart to be mean.
But if someone tried to hurt my family, I can switch over to meanness if need be.
We think about that stuff differently. We have disagreements but they never lead to angry emotions.
That's what I love about us.
I couldn't imagine being mean to her. I just don't have the heart to do that. She has a 16 year old daughter who I call my own, it's the same with her. If my gf told me to discipline her, it would be one of those "here's $20, go out there and act like your crying" sort of thing LOL I just don't have the heart to be mean.
But if someone tried to hurt my family, I can switch over to meanness if need be.
Not paying me my salary when it's due is a work abuse. In fact, abuse can come in so many ways. Imagine here we are paid on monthly basis and after working for 30 days, my salary will be delayed. I won't have it at all.
I can't be in a relationship where I'm abused physically or emotionally. I'm too emotional and as a result of that, I know that I can't be comfortable in such a relationship. I wonder how some people stay in such abusive relationships and even end up having kids for their partners?
Maybe for love and the fear of the unknown. That is the only thing that I can say will make someone be in that kind of relationship and feel okay with it.
To me, you need to be in a relationship for the known and not unknown. You're supposed to feel safe and secure in a relationship and not the other way around.
Mental, emotional and psychological abuse are the worst of them all. They are the one's that push the victims into committing suicide because no one really knows what they are passing through and the best way to end it all is by killing themselves.
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