Raising Children Very Strict

[Jason]

I agree with raising kids strict, up to a point. A big problem is where the kid is talked to like a slave and that's not too cool. Also, it's not all the strictness that is preventing a kid from morphing into some delinquent. A lot of it is simply being in a bad environment at home and out of school.

Anyway, finally, there is the problem that if someone is told what to do all the time, then how can they figure out things on their own? For instance, I've found out things in my life by having life slap me in the face.

 

[Ravenfreak]

I think there should be limitations to how people raise their kids. Let them explore, but make sure they aren't getting into too much trouble. Raising them too strict can cause them to rebel against you in the future and that can lead them down the path of being destructive.

 

[Aussie]

Firstly, if you don't have kids, or haven't had kids then you aren't qualified to answer this question. No offence but that's just the way it is.

For me its a bit of both, I'm probably strict on some stuff with my kids but then on other stuff it doesn't worry me, the stuff I am strict on is things like manners, be nice and polite, put effort into your school and work, put effort into your sport, don't be lazy and help out when asked. (e.g. if I ask you to tidy your room do it, without the whining) But also I spend countless hours a week running around for my kids, taking them to sport, taking them to friends houses, doing outdoor activities with them. But as a parent its up to us to teach our kids to be responsible, and to do this some rules need to be in place.

A kid will actually be happier when they have rules and structure, this is a fact.

I know a few parents that don't discipline their kids, and generally these sorts of kids are rude and selfish, most I don't allow around to my house anymore..

Parenting is a never ending education, I am learning to parent as I am doing it also and nobody is perfect.

 

[Reverie]

Firstly, if you don't have kids, or haven't had kids then you aren't qualified to answer this question. No offence but that's just the way it is.

Everyone is welcome to their opinion though, but I do agree it's slightly different if you do have kids or don't.

In my case I am a teacher and work with kids each day. Sometimes I see the kid more than their own parent see them in a week. This is my formed opinion after one, being a kid and having a strict-ish upbringing, as well as being an educator and seeing the variations of children and lack of support from parents and etc.

I truly think that it depends on the child. Some kids test limits, they want to see how far they can go before they get in real trouble. Those are the kids you must be strict with, but typically try to embrace their leadership qualities. Some kids want acceptance and love and would do nothing but try and make the parent happy.

As a child I did what I was supposed to do, but I knew there were limits. If I did this then this would happen.... and they would follow through with what they said. I typically did what I was supposed to do though because I didn't have reason not to.

I can see some cases where the child may NEED that love, and are doing anything they can to get that attention, and in those cases strict and being structured can be good. The consistency is truly what a child needs. Kids thrive on schedules little do they know.

As for your last question @Jason I think no one should be told EVERYTHING they are supposed to do. Now I think suggestions can be welcomed, but let the child form their thoughts and opinions on their own. Let them make their own mistakes if they are fixable. I think as a parent I would tell my kids age appropriate situations that I did x, y, z... not in a moment they were in trouble but in a relatable moment for them. You are to teach your children all you can, but it doesn't always have to be "I'm in trouble so I have to hear a long rant".

 

[Dismal_Bliss]

There's a balance to be struck here. My parents were super strict, and several topics were taboo and couldn't even be mentioned. So when I got into my later teen years, I rebelled in major ways.

So with my own children, I have been more relaxed. There were very few things I would forbid them from. I would rather see them exposed to things in my presence and be able to talk about them than trying to shelter them or have topics that were "off limits", because they were going to see and hear these things as soon as they stepped on the school bus anyway.

Explain what is or isn't acceptable so they adopt your views. Don't just tell them "cuz I said so" or "cuz I'm the mom/dad", etc.

 

[Jason]

There's a balance to be struck here. My parents were super strict, and several topics were taboo and couldn't even be mentioned. So when I got into my later teen years, I rebelled in major ways.

So with my own children, I have been more relaxed. There were very few things I would forbid them from. I would rather see them exposed to things in my presence and be able to talk about them than trying to shelter them or have topics that were "off limits", because they were going to see and hear these things as soon as they stepped on the school bus anyway.

Explain what is or isn't acceptable so they adopt your views. Don't just tell them "cuz I said so" or "cuz I'm the mom/dad", etc.

Yeah, I see this storm brewing in at least one family.
.

 

[Cory]

I know a few parents that don't discipline their kids, and generally these sorts of kids are rude and selfish

I was stocking freight at Walmart once when I worked there and this little kid said "Get out of my way" and his parents just smiled. It sounded like that kid could have used some discipline.

 

[Jason]

I was stocking freight at Walmart once when I worked there and this little kid said "Get out of my way" and his parents just smiled. It sounded like that kid could have used some discipline.

And they turn into monster adults.

 

[Aussie]

Everyone is welcome to their opinion though, but I do agree it's slightly different if you do have kids or don't.

In my case I am a teacher and work with kids each day. Sometimes I see the kid more than their own parent see them in a week. This is my formed opinion after one, being a kid and having a strict-ish upbringing, as well as being an educator and seeing the variations of children and lack of support from parents and etc.

I truly think that it depends on the child. Some kids test limits, they want to see how far they can go before they get in real trouble. Those are the kids you must be strict with, but typically try to embrace their leadership qualities. Some kids want acceptance and love and would do nothing but try and make the parent happy.

As a child I did what I was supposed to do, but I knew there were limits. If I did this then this would happen.... and they would follow through with what they said. I typically did what I was supposed to do though because I didn't have reason not to.

I can see some cases where the child may NEED that love, and are doing anything they can to get that attention, and in those cases strict and being structured can be good. The consistency is truly what a child needs. Kids thrive on schedules little do they know.

As for your last question @Jason I think no one should be told EVERYTHING they are supposed to do. Now I think suggestions can be welcomed, but let the child form their thoughts and opinions on their own. Let them make their own mistakes if they are fixable. I think as a parent I would tell my kids age appropriate situations that I did x, y, z... not in a moment they were in trouble but in a relatable moment for them. You are to teach your children all you can, but it doesn't always have to be "I'm in trouble so I have to hear a long rant".

reading back what I said, hmm yeah I probably went a bit over board there without thinking... sorry.

certainly everyone welcome to their opinion, and just because someone hasn't or isn't a parent doesn't mean that cant be a great parent!.

 

[Senkusha]

Personally, I don't think that really any topic for discussion should be considered taboo. Why? Because the child is eventually going to seek the answers on their own, which could be dangerous. I do think that depending on the age/maturity of the child HOW you discuss certain topics need to be handled differently, using different vocabulary and various forms of simplification. And as a parent it's okay to say "I don't know." But then offer to help the child seek the answer.

When it comes to discipline though, this is 100% up to the parents, and I see many parents failing horribly. There are many forms of punishment for bad behavior. I do not condone any type of physical discipline. After all, we as adults don't beat the crap out of each other when somebody breaks a law or is rude. But I do feel that firmness and consistency are critical for a developing child. As parents, we must teach our children that there are consequences for every action. Some are positive, while others aren't, and can be uncomfortable.

I know that from my own upbringing, that I was fairly sheltered, and many things that other kids did were very taboo in my household. As a result, I suffered considerably socially, once I did become an adult, and in many ways, although I've been an adult now for nearly twenty years, I feel I'm still playing catch up.

 

[Jason]

A bigger problem seems to be letting kids run wild, not necessarily being very strict while they're at the house. In fact, I know cases of kids running with bad crowds and becoming involved in drugs or whatnot.