Joke of the Day

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I thought it would be awesome to have a thread dedicated to jokes of the day that I will update daily to give you a laugh, boost your mood and hopefully put smiles on your faces.

Some of them may be cheesy but who doesn't like cheesy jokes?

The first joke of the day is below!

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

 

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A pirate goes to the skin doctor and says “I have these moles on me back.”
The doctor takes a look and says “It’s okay, they’re benign.”

The pirate says “Count again, I think there be ten.”

 

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Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

 

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As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But hay – it’s in my jeans.

 

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Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon? It had great food, but no atmosphere.

 

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What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics!

 

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A man was driving down a country road when he spotted a farmer just standing there, doing nothing.

The man got out of the car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"

"I am trying to win a Nobel Prize." the farmer replied.

"How?" asked the man, puzzled.

"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are outstanding in their field."

 

[Shortie]

A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to show the world his house was guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. “Is that your big dog outside?”

Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?” She said, "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!” “What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?” “A Peke” Replied the woman. “A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?” “I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.

 

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There was a king once who was 12 inches tall. Terrible king, great ruler.